Relationships & Intimacy

Experiences

Relationship and intimacy are both words that everyone is aware of. We all know what those words mean, right? Of course! But the thing is with these words, not all of us have the same definition for those words. The word relationship can mean romantic, familial, or even friendship. It just depends on how YOU look it. The same thing with intimacy. When you think of intimacy, the first idea that comes to your mind might not be the same idea that first comes to another. There’s nothing wrong with this, but the main thing we can conclude from these two words is their importance in our lives.

When I think of relationships from my past, many people come to my mind. Not just in a romantic way. I think of family relationships, friendships, and people who have been in my life for a long time, or a short period of time. The word relationship can be applied to many connections, not just romantic ones. It seems that people can be confused by that concept, or downright disagree. Not every person you vibe with needs to lay in your bed! There can be some sort of relationship without a sexual element. There are a few different relationship types I can think of, each of them providing its own form of intimacy. 

  • Family relationships.
  • Friendships.
  • Acquaintances.
  • Romantic relationships.
  • Sexual relationships.
  • Work relationships.
  • Situational relationships

When riding the waves of life, you are bound to experience some, if not most of these. This list of relationships just makes me think of a kid walking into a candy shop. He can pick and choose whatever he’d like since there are so many. In reality, though, do we really get to pick and choose our relationships and what type of relationship they are? Or who they are with? Sometimes. It all depends.

When it comes to family, for me personally, I was not brought up with very many positive family relationships. Most of the time, I was surrounded by people or experiences that I was able to learn from whether they were a positive or negative factor in my life. Each family experience I’ve had has made me a better person, and I wouldn’t change anything.

When it comes to friends, I think I was lucky! I have an abundant amount of them, even if some I’ve never met personally (which is quite acceptable in this technological era we live in). And by abundant, I mean in quality – not quantity. There is truly a major difference between the two. I’d take a quality friendship over quantity any day.

With romantic relationships, I’ve had a few serious ones. Sometimes I wonder about certain relationships I’ve had, and I think that I’ve experienced true love so young that I shouldn’t bother even searching for it anymore because I know what it feels like.

Work relationships often can turn out like family if you so choose. I’ve had it happen, and one of my best friends started out with a work relationship. 

Situational relationships do exist. Yes, many of us are “guilty” of those. As much as we judge others, we should also be looking at our own selves. It’s important to look within yourself, instead of focusing on others or trying to put a spotlight on their problems. Everyone is guilty of something.

When thinking of who my best friend is, a couple people come to mind. The first one is my son. The second one is someone dear, who lives in another time zone. The third is someone completely untouchable. The fourth is a friend of mine from a former workplace. She helped me through many things in my life and always gives the best advice. I’m so grateful for her and her logic! Although we don’t talk as much as we once did, my love for her will absolutely never change. 

Sometimes we have a tendency to stay in relationships that we should have left, YESTERDAY. Yes, I am the first to admit there was a relationship I spent too long in. I’m positive many people can relate to that. I spent too much time in two of them actually. When I did that, it really caused me to lose myself in someone else. (Never doing that again.) They were both really good learning lessons for me. The thought of staying together “for the kids” is what many people think is the right thing to do. In some cases, it could be the opposite. There are also times when we have this tendency to rush in relationships. I’ve rushed things in my past. What I learned from it is to never do that again. Relationships of all kinds have many ups and downs. It’s just important to maintain balance.

Some people are just strategically placed into your life at certain times. It feels that way at least, doesn’t it? My favorite friendship story is the one where I met one of my best friends at work. The story is great because our friendship was real and natural, and we bonded like sisters. We’ve even spent holidays together! There’s nothing better in this world than true genuine friendships with deep connections.

Deeply connected means mental/intellectual, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and sexual connections (in some relationships). When you are deeply connected to someone you will have the ability to vibe on every single level. Since I’ve experienced feelings like this before, I’d never settle for less again. My role in such a deeply connected relationship would be to give what I want to receive; To listen but also to teach! To me, these deeply rooted connections are the truest form of intimacy.

Overcoming Obstacles: How?

How To's, Thoughts

This week I’ve started thinking about obstacles that I faced in my past. Thinking about the past and what we have endured can help us plan a better future. With the experience of the past, we learn not to make the same mistakes over and over.

As a teenager and young adult, I felt this huge desire to want to fit in. The only problem is that I never did for some reason or another. I was a white kid, in a predominantly Latino/African-American school. I listened to rap music, and also rock. (Which was not really cool when I was a freshman.) My horizon was broad as far as cultures, music, and things of that sort; but only a fraction of what it is now. (Thankfully!) With so many interests, you’d think I’d have fit in somewhere, but not really.

On top of that, it was hard to fit in when I could not relate to the other kids I knew in high school. My situation at home was bizarre. I survived off of Instant rice, and hot Cheetos. Junk food was the main staple of my teenage diet. My bed was on the floor. Just a mattress with no boxspring. At one point I was sleeping on JUST a box spring. I’d rather have slept on the floor most nights.

Other kids had large families and were involved in the school clubs and sports. I tried that. It didn’t work. I was a chain smoker at 15 years old and would rather not even discuss the other unmentionables that I did. Listening to 2 Live Crew in the morning on the way to school, and Led Zeppelin on the way home I was just a strange kid. Of course, there is an explanation for everything I’ve mentioned. It all has some sort of underlying reason or story. It’s all part of my experience in this life and has helped make me who I am. How? I won’t give that away just yet, or the other horror stories, tragedies, and romances of my life. No, not yet. That’s not the purpose of this blog.

The purpose is that I overcame what I’d experienced in my childhood and teen years, and some of my adulthood. I did it in a way of learning hard life lessons and self-teaching. In fact, I may be overcoming still. In a way – we all are every single day. When you think of obstacles, it’s easy to just get caught up in the misery of them. It’s easy to just think of the obstacle itself and think of how miserable you are, and complain about it all and sulk in your own sadness while you drown in self-pity! The hard part is overcoming the obstacle, whatever it may be. In order to overcome – you need to take action.

There are a few different ways to do it. Everyone will develop their own ways and methods of achieving success in what they desire and overcoming those obstacles that hold them back. For me personally, I think with my desire to fit in, the best way that I overcame that was just accepting the fact that I didn’t HAVE TO fit in. Acceptance was part of my method. I accepted who I was and who I am. I accepted my own truths, abilities, flaws, and uniqueness. Accepting the fact that I was not like everyone else allowed me this sense of mental freedom that I didn’t have before.

At many points in my past, I was so worried about what others thought of me, (especially considering certain events that took place in my life and within the family) that you could say I was living for them and not my own self. If you feel that way, I kindly suggest that you also start to try to overcome your own obstacles. Obstacles are not all that terrible. We do learn from them. They are there for a reason. It’s important to jump and climb over them instead of laying stagnant forever. You need to take action!

  • Focusing on yourself and the issue at hand is the first and foremost way of overcoming the obstacle that you face. If you are constantly wrapped up in the news, media, or politics, that is going to leave you very little time to focus on the number one person in your life. (You)! When you catch yourself getting angry at small things that actually don’t concern you (like what’s happening with the Kardashians for example), you are wasting your time and energy. Catch yourself in the moment of those habits and redirect your thoughts and energy into thinking about you and what YOU need to accomplish.
  • When you start to worry about yourself, something magical happens. Once you are rewired to focus on you and yourself you will start to want to achieve goals once the hurdle over the obstacle is finished. You need to make a game plan to surmount what you are facing. Be real and honest with yourself. It is key for success. If there is something you need to complete and get over, the best thing you can do is just write it down. Write it all out and make it part of your plan. Writing things down has this super positive mental effect that can actually help you overcome even more obstacles than you originally thought.
  • Emotional intelligence within yourself and within the world around you is more important than you think when it comes to overcoming obstacles. To overcome something that is bugging you; you need to actually FEEL your feelings. Don’t drink them, don’t smoke them, don’t eat your feelings. Just FEEL them. It can be messy and you may cry and be upset – but in the end it is worth it. I think the feelings part is kind of intertwined with acceptance. Accepting that something is wrong, or that something needs to be overcome can have a huge emotional strain. But once you accept whatever it is, it is one step closer to defeating the problem or obstacle that you face.
  • Ask for help! If you’re anything like me, you’re a stubborn ass who never wants to ask for help. Pride does get the best of us at times! It really does happen. However; sometimes it is actually okay to ask for help. If you have a team of people, or family or friends who support you and genuinely care, don’t be afraid to ask them for help in overcoming what you are facing.

These are some things that anyone can utilize. The main thing you need to do is just run at those obstacles head-on. Charge yourself up, and face them without fear. In the end, it will always be for the best. Obstacles are constant, learning lessons.

They help us build character and gain life experience, so don’t fret. You have to face your fears like a true warrior. You are the leader of your own battle. Armor up and be ready. It will all be okay!

Blankets of Snowflakes

Poetry
It's so damn hot outside. 
Not a drop of snow in sight. 
Blankets of snowflakes are just a memory. 
Jack Frost should have put up a better fight. 
Green grass in December. 
"All you need is a hoodie", kinda weather. 
Icicles are non-existent. 
Sweating now, I'm reminiscent. 
This is the first time in my Chicago life, 
That I haven't seen a white Christmas. 



This morning we woke up to no snow. This is the first time that I can really remember not having a “White Christmas”, in my entire life. Being from the mid-west, Chicago, IL specifically it is odd to say the least that we have woken up to spring like weather. It’s been warm the past few weeks, but this poem is just something that came to my mind as I took a walk outside this morning. I’ve never had such a warm Christmas day holiday before. It’s so rare. It makes me think of other holidays like Halloween for example, where we’d wish and wish for there to be no snow or rain on that day. Maybe our wishes got all mixed up in some sort of wish cyclone or hurricane, which has resulted in our wishes being granted today instead. Wishful thinking, perhaps because that is likely not the case despite my imagination being at play.

Happy Holidays to All

My Neighbors

Poetry
To an untrained eye

When I open the blinds,

What one would see 

Appears to be a Christmas tree

From a distance. 

Luckily it's not. 

It's September 27th. 

The tree, dressed in a gown of 

Purple and orange 

Is the color of two 

of my tabby cats. 

I have 3,

Who I'm constantly yelling at. 

But not because I'm angry.

It's only because I'm mad-ly 

In love and infatuated 

With toe beans. 

I scream 

From the top of my lungs 

How much I love 

My furry babies. 

Everyone can hear me. 

There is fruit on the counter. 

It started to go bad. 

I donate it to the earth 

I try to give it back. 

The nourishment that she gives us. 

When I can't have it, 

I give it to her

I put it 

Into the planet. 

I'm the cat lady who also feeds the animals. 

I don't know what I look like to my neighbors, 

Who watch from across the way

But I promise my labor 

That looks weird and psychotic in nature 

Is done only out of good favor. 

So now we sit and laugh, 

About what they might think. 

They imagine and so do we. 

Stomach now hurts from laughing, 

We just live our lives so colorfully. 

Time is passing.